Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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