We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
