U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
