Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
