just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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