I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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