'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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