I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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