Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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