if only i could text you this smell
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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