My room smells like vodka and shame
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
