I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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