I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
