I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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