haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
