I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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