go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
