she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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