ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
