Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
