the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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