It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
