just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
