Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A+ Viking dick
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
