The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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