my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize