just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
