I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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