Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
