Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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