pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
