I'm laying in your front yard are you home
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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