Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
