Will you blow on my dice?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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