This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
