I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
