That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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