You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
