Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
