He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
