im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
