Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
