Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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