dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
