Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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