just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
