No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
