I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
