did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
