so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
