i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
