Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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