This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
