thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
