Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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