I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.