I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?