It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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