Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.