Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze