So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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