id be glad to
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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