Im at strip club and am horny
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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