You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
