Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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