You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
