I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
