A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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