I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
