I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
