I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
