That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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