you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
