My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
