I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
